I eat those silica gel packets because consumer electronics are not the boss of me.
“I ran a half marathon” sounds so much better than “I quit halfway through a marathon”.
Seeing a spider is nothing. It becomes a problem when it disappears.
Life would be so much better if there were piñatas strategically placed throughout my day.
Hey, Friday the 13th is still better than Monday the whatever!
That silly moment when your gas tank is on ‘E’ and you turn the music off like it’s going to save gas.
Hey, why don’t you come back to my place, I have toilet paper.
What’s brown and not very heavy? Light brown.
Have you ever noticed the irony behind “hyphenated” and “non-hyphenated”?
If you’re over 18 but under 21 and are arrested for drinking alcohol, you can be charged as an adult for being under aged.